THE BEGINNING OF THE GREAT STORM
Before I begin this post I want to elaborate through imagery what our ego has conjured up to bring us down. This is the headquarters of A.I.G. in Los Angeles with an ominous cloud hovering above. Two days after this photo was taken the company removed the sign from the building, trying to hide behind a veil of anonymity.
…First of all, God does not exist—not in the way you want him to. I say ‘him’, masculine, to emphasize the non-existent quality. God does not exist as an outside benefactor, some ascendant personage, waiting to attend your needs, ready to answer questions or calm your fears. However as I’ve pointed out before, the creative, intelligent quality of the Cosmos does exist. It is Conscious Evolution, and it exists within the very essence of all awareness. Nothing exists outside of this awareness.
“But this is my point. I’m not aware of it when I want to be aware of it.”
Yes, indeed, you are not aware of it. But you know it. The problem re-stated, is this: You are not aware of your own inner knowing. I’m talking about the essence of your awareness. This knowing is a deep instinct, hidden from your current waking mind. I understand your frustration, now more than I did at the beginning. The problem, for all humans, is one of alignment with your authentic being.
“I have recurring fears that I am not connected to anything. That is my real question. Is my sense of self and appreciation, to use your term, part of some larger consciousness that goes on after I die? Does that sense of self-awareness go on? Is there anything in me now that will continue, or go back into spirit? Has my life experience contributed to that something? Or will it all just fade and dissolve away into nothing at the end? This is my fear in a nutshell.”
The fact that you even have the fear of losing your awareness, or of being abandoned and meaningless in the greater sphere of creation, is evidence of the inner knowing I refer to. It is likewise evidence of your disconnection from it. Without the inner sensitivity, the question would never be raised. Without the inner connection you would not be having this conversation with me. I am an example of what you seek, right in front of you. But what you are really searching for is not assurance of your existence after death. You really want to know whether you truly exist at all, right now!
“That’s absurd. Of course, I exist!”
But you don’t, you see. You are just a figment of Cosmic imagination. We all are. We are a projection from Source, out onto the screen of illusion that it has created to experience separation from oneness. We individuals are the embodied experience of divine detachment—a synonym for ‘projection’ in this case.
The vigilan sense of appreciation is, at its root, this knowing of paradox. It is acceptance of separation in the midst of oneness, and individuality within an undivided whole. But understanding of this is hidden from the human being. That is why you ask about continuation of your awareness after death. You, the thinking individual—ego and mind—exist only ephemerally, as an illusion. The real you lies hidden within the formlessness.
The awakening process of evolution is entirely about this question, the uncovering of your hidden awareness. Here is the way it works: You are God, my friend. We all are, universally, and in particular. The energy of collective awareness that pervades and incubates the Cosmos in us, is what you are calling God. For the purpose of answering you, I will use your term God, though it is a name I rarely use.
God, if it’s any consolation to you, is in the same boat you’re in. The infinite divine intelligence took on aloneness and separation as a great experiment; Conscious Evolution has done this for the sake of its own awakening and feeling. That was a major turning point. God, as homo sapiens, broke off from its own divine being and sense of oneness to immerse itself here. The motivation behind this was a desire for feeling—the avenue into awakened presence.
“I’m not sure your explanation is helping. It does serve to distract me from my fear. But it doesn’t quell my fear.”
Distracting is the same as quelling, for your state of mind. I am giving you a means to remove your awareness from its attachment to mental musings. My explanation will not rearrange your emotions, if that’s what you’re looking for. But it will give you a way of feeling through your predicament, and God’s.
“All right. Proceed.”
Consciousness cannot truly desire to be anything it already is. The awareness-of-oneness had to break apart, if it was to reveal itself, to itself; it needed a mirror. That is the essence of being and feeling lonely and separated. Your kind, my sapiens friend, was a great trial in separative awareness and the form-identified intellect. The feelings of aloneness and emptiness you described are perfectly natural to your species.
Humans always felt cut off, unfulfilled, like there was something enormous missing from their lives. There was. The awareness of connection to divinity was missing. This disconnect was embedded in your genetic structure, and it gave you the feeling of aloneness any time you paused to reflect on your fate. Still, this genetic passage was a necessary evil, if the intellect and hominid evolution were to proceed.
“So, I’m perfectly natural to be feeling meaningless and hopeless. That’s a big help!”
Believe it or not, I am helping you—into freedom. Feeling the emptiness and the desire for what was missing within was in fact the driving force in your entire evolutionary history. It was that sensation of abandonment in the midst of abundance and emptiness in the presence of everything that moved you to become who you are. Out of that feeling arose your mind and ego—and your identity as a species. All the coping and defense mechanisms of homo sapiens grew from this root.
In the human race, God was missing from its own being. The divine essence contrived to abandon itself, to separate from and divide its own integrity. This is, of course, an impossibility—hence the illusion of it all. But nevertheless, the infinite intelligence determined that illusion was worth the price.
God developed a craving for what it could not have—a process of its own awakening. To accomplish this, it contrived to not know itself. That desire was so profound that God was willing to sacrifice its natural sense of well-being and oneness, in order to experience separation. This was the only way it could know itself fully—from without and from within. All the isolation, pain and anxiety in the world is a product of God’s craving for this experience.
The Christian Bible story describes it as God sacrificing his ‘only begotten son’ for the salvation of humanity. In my words, God sacrificed awareness of its own oneness through the agency of homo sapiens, its offspring. Homo evigilo, by the grace of this metaphor, is your promised salvation.
Yet there is a deeper truth buried in the feeling of aloneness and emptiness. In one facet of truth, God does not exist at all, as I have pointed out. In reality there actually is Nothing—no matter, no spirit, no Cosmos. All forms are illusions, separations out of oneness. They arise and they dissolve, having no permanence, and therefore no actual reality. There is no one and no thing to worship or to obey, nothing to entreat and to seek out, nothing to aspire to. Nothing at all exists outside of who you are in your inner knowing, this very moment.
“I don’t like the sound of this. I want there to be something greater than myself.”
Only in accepting this nothingness, do you eventually realize you are All That Is! This is a lonely passage, I understand. You, dear friend, are experiencing this in your individuality. All members of your race are in the same state. Your God—your collective being—is experiencing it along with you. From my point of view, your whole species was that lonely passage, and that phase of evolution coming to understand itself. Humans experience separation from within the separated state. Vigilans feel the same separation, only it is from within the connected state; hence no fear arises out of the feeling. For my species, and for any other awakened species who may follow us, you were the benighted bridge into our illuminated well-being…
Copyright © 2009 by Robert Potter