Letter Forty “Lenses”

Today I have received Letter Forty from Robert. It is without doubt the most profound example of knowing that I have read so far. I can only imagine that others will resonate as I have and it is this feeling that prods me to publish this post now. I do understand that life is not always what it seems. There are dark corners hiding information that we can never reach at this stage of evolution. We can only hope that somehow we can be touched by something that will set us free. I have decided to skip to this Letter – because somewhere, someone besides myself will get it. And then that someone will tell someone else and so on.

Can you sit in quietude for just a moment of your busy life and go deep within? Can you shut out the noise of your thoughts for just a moment and experience the expression of life so deep beyond your understanding? Within the silence comes the answer. This is all you need to do to get it. Just a moment.

So now read on and when you get to the end click the video, it will complete the experience.

[Suddenly I’m helpless again, hypnotized. With a groan, I feel myself leaning, now falling over the edge of the canoe. What’s happening? I cannot resist. It’s as if I’m paralyzed. My face descends in slow motion toward the surface. I am out of the boat, in the air, then into the water. I cannot move. But strangely, there is no fear. I do no resist. Something inside tells me to accept. The Old Man watches on, calmly, from above in the boat.]

[The light of the sky obscures under the whorl and splashing water as I descend. I’m sinking. Darkness surrounds me. Gasping, I let out all the air in my chest with a rush. With no ability to resist, I breathe in the water. It fills my lungs, my mouth and nose. Surprisingly, I do not panic. I am breathing the water! Slowly, thickly, I draw in deep breaths of the dark liquid, and sink farther down, and farther within myself. The vortex turns in me and around me.]

“Listen. Watch with your body what is unfolding in the deep.” [The old one’s voice is an echo in my head.]

[I want to call out to him, to get me out of this, to demand an explanation. But my voice is stifled by the heavy water in my lungs. Yet I’m still alive, breathing, awake! This darkness should not be new to me; I’ve descended into the Void many times before; I’ve fallen into the center of a black hole, for mercy’s sake! Why should this be any different? And why am I not afraid? But this darkness is different. It seems to be inside me, in my body, even though it is clearly outside as well. Where am I?]

“You’re inside yourself, my friend.” [There’s that voice in my head, reading my thoughts.]

“Why am I here?” [I answer in like manner.] “Why am I under water?”

“You’re in dreamtime. Remember? This is the answer to your question. It is the answer you are giving yourself.”

“But why can’t you give me the answer?”

“Because you don’t want me to. Your body wants to give you this.”

[My mind suddenly explodes with color. Abstract shapes fly past me on all sides. They are flung away, off me, like leaves from an autumn tree. Everything is a blur of motion. Light radiates from each form and penetrates my mind.]

[At first it is utter confusion. But slowly the photons begin to impart information. The light is coming into form! The energy itself is informing me, forming in my body. And now all is still, falling into ever greater peace. The exploding light settles into a soft, liquid glow, embracing me, elevating me. Understanding begins to seep out of the peace that has passed it through.]

[I now know that all my thoughts, my emotions, my personality, have been stripped away. No ego here. I am in the center of myself—my body, physical and etheric. The colors and shapes were the accreted pieces of myself, gathered through all my lifetimes, being torn away as I descend to this center. It is still a physical space though, I acknowledge to myself.]

[Some of the shapes were the tissues, the cells and molecules hurtling past as I shrank down within them, beneath their size and dimension. Now I am utterly small, the tiniest physical proportion of myself. This is ‘core central’ of my body. I am this tiny! I chuckle. Who knew my sense of self could be this small? I am beneath any measurable dimension. It would be easy to overlook this tininess entirely. In fact my guess is, it has been overlooked by all of human science.]

[To my surprise, however, I have not come to a point. It is, rather, a field—the very tiniest, minuscule field. There is hardly any form to it. It shines with an invisible light; yet I know it is there. I sense it without seeing. I draw my awareness in closer. The field is fluctuating, oscillating. It seems to come and go from existence as I watch. Inherently I know this object is the end of me. It is the limit; smaller than this, there is no physical form of self.]

[My perspective shifts with the pulsing form. When it’s strongest, I begin to merge with it. When it dissolves away, I return to myself. The more I watch, the more I am what I watch. My point of view slowly moves back and forth between the field and me. I feel my awareness differentiated in two, but just barely. There is almost no duality here at the root of physicality. One pulse, I exist; the next, I do not. I know myself coming and going, both—in and out of the projected universe.]

[A strange realization comes. I know that as I shrank myself, I also compressed my perception of time. The pulse I’m registering in this field of self would take less than a nanosecond in my normal time. And yet it appears slow to me. I come and go in a smooth, flowing rhythm. The feeling is growing in me, the merging of mind and body, of body and universe, duality and oneness.]

[I see the ‘shine’ of my being—whatever that is—moving in and projecting out through the field, then pulling back into nothing. This field is the final frontier, the last portal of my physical vehicle. These sensations are very different from my mental awareness. In fact, they are a critical realization. My body and mind have been at odds until this moment. They have not been integrated, not at all, I realize. Here they are blending and acknowledging their oneness. I am, at last, at ease.]

[The oneness continues drawing me into the field. My body-mind is, in fact, the aperture, the vesica piscis. I am the womb, the feminine opening into the abyss—yoni. Likewise I am the form it projects and receives—lingam.]

[The field is a new window on the great emptiness. Before, I descended into it through a spiritual dimension—the Void, Evam. Now I am physically on its threshold, a whole different experience. It’s visceral. Suddenly I feel the water in my lungs again. So far above, but it’s still there; I am still there. Each in-breath in that world takes a lifetime from this perspective. The exhale would be more than I could imagine. So vast, that illusion.]

[‘I am’ is in sheer ecstasy. The wonder and bliss increase geometrically with each pulse into the nothingness. The pulse is projected up and out into the breathing above, in radiated waves. It is withdrawn again, alternately, into nothingness. This is the pulse—duality out, oneness in. Oneness is nothingness. Duality is ‘everything-ness’. I am passing in and out of my own life. Is this death? I muse. How beautiful! I am virtually gone. Then I’m back. And it is the most glorious feeling I’ve ever known. Even while I’m gone, my awareness remains. But it is the awareness of a being far more expansive than I knew myself to be.]

[‘This awareness is the Projector itself!’ an intuition alerts me. I am enfolded in its breast, its heart and blood, its eternal, conditionless love. No expectations or judgments. It has no form, yet it projects all forms. Within this sensation there is no contradiction or distinction. Nevertheless I still sense the magic of paradox here. All is one. All is nothing. One and Zero merge and part, merge and part.]

[I sense, but do not hear, a voice from far away. It is the voice of someone familiar. Dreamily I decide to listen. Whispers unfold around me as I slowly pulse back across the threshold.]

“Come back, old friend. Come back. It is not your destiny to depart yet.”

[How silly! I think. Of course I know my own destiny. And then I really do know it. In a great rush, I realize what Old Man is saying. I must return from this bliss. With a shudder I separate myself in two again, enter the world of duality. I am physical again, looking down on the pulsing vesica. I remember. I am here to learn something more, something else about portals.]

“What else could there be to know about portals?” [I try to shout, but it comes out more like ‘Wucustrbeprotl?’ I laugh, recalling that I’m still breathing water on the upper level.]

[Old Man’s voice comes again.] “Know this. You are intended to be free and bound in one and the same experience—your physical life. Accepting this, is liberation to your spirit, and to your whole being. It is the gift of the formless to form, form to formless. Your blessing to be human, and mine to be vigilan, is to know the interplay of projection and Projector, of bound-ness and boundlessness.

“The portal you have just experienced, that you seek to create in the greater sphere, as a passage through the Storm, is the ultimate paradox. That Great Storm is the passage through you. It is your own living essence—Projector and projection. Joining the light beam, you will pass into it, through the aperture, and find yourself. You will know who you really are. Pass through it and you will die!”

“Die?” [I challenge, taken aback.] “What? Wait. I thought you just said…”

“I said it is not your time to depart.”

“Are you telling me I’ll die if I use this passage we’re creating? We’ll all die?” [As the realization sinks in, I feel like shouting. I feel almost betrayed. Ego, apparently, has returned.] “O never said anything about this. She said the species would die. But not the individual. Why would anyone want to use this portal then? I thought it was supposed to be a safe passage?”

[Chuckling, Old Man continues,] “A moment ago you were ready to merge with the Void and give up your life. And now you’re afraid to die? Humans!”

[I recall the feeling of bliss from a moment ago. Gradually I return to calmness. Still, I say with a slightly mocking tone.] “So, would you mind explaining about this ‘portal of death’ then?”

“Hah! Human humor! Yes. I will explain. We are talking transformation here, friend. Major transformation, transmutation—leaving one species behind, becoming another. This cannot happen without death. Did you think a species could die without taking its individual incarnations with it? [Smile.] But don’t worry. You won’t feel a thing.”

“Is that vigilan humor? All right. I do remember O talking about death in the first set of letters. But I had forgotten. I wasn’t applying it to myself. I guess I was starting to hope she was just speaking metaphorically.”

“Relax, friend. This is all happening just the way you yourself have planned it. Your soul has known about it all along. It is your destiny.”

“Well, I’m not sure that’s much comfort. I don’t always agree with what my soul wants.”

[I gaze upon the beauty of the pulsing oval below me. It is indeed exquisite. I now see rainbow coruscations shimmering around it. I sigh.] “OK. I’m ready. I’ll die if I must! I guess that’s not so bad in the great scheme. Tell me what’s next. What about this portal?”

“The vesica piscis is the central field of our incarnation, our eternal birthplace. It is where we are always being born, without beginning, without end. I know you’ve heard that ‘what is born and dies is not real’. In the world of separation, this is so. But that which is ‘simultaneously being born and dying’ is also real. It is the vesica. This is eternal. This aperture is purity itself. And it is you!”

Copyright © 2010 by Robert Lee Potter