Seeking the Spiritual Gold, Or Not

Alone on the bridge, as the light bows to the darkness. Leaving the rattle of the day we become blanketed in the silent peace of night. There is no separation here, just a smooth transition in the duality of life.

After a broad exchange of spiritual views among some of my friends and associates, I voiced my view on the matter.

“This has been an extraordinary conversation. The players couldn’t be more closely involved in the subject matter. I’ve been thinking about my part in this game. It wasn’t exceptional. It just was. I longed for that gold ring as a disciple, and long after. After I left the guru, I played the former disciple with grace, or so I believed. But, it was all in my mind. The day I dropped the search was the day I started to realize. I realized my truth was only mine. Not yours or his or hers, just mine. There is no consensus here. My perception of life and the afterward, and my ideal of enlightenment were just mine. And they were just an idea. Just words floating through my mind. A belief, predicated on learning from this, that, and the other. And then one day those thoughts were gone. The ideas were gone. The slate had been wiped clean. I was empty. 

One day, long after that empty day, I was walking across my room and suddenly I found my self stopped, in the midst of a presence that took my breath away. It was peace, light, and bliss all wrapped up in one. I couldn’t move from that space, why would I? The feeling was transcendent. It produced that current that Franklin Merrill-Wolff speaks of in “Pathways Through To Space.” It lasted no longer than a moment. But, it was there. I felt it through my all, and I can recall it now. It has graced me a few more times, but I cannot hold it firm. It teases me. I am grateful, even for those morsels. There is nothing that can really describe it. My words here are puny at any rate. This thing that we hold so dear to belong to has no ties to us. It is there all the time. If we’re lucky to walk into its space, well that is an awesome day.”


  1. that is what we are made of , all of existence is that and it just is. Words are truly puny but they are also part of the expression and creativity of that current

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    1. Words are certainly part of the creative flow. They are the belief system’s directives, first as ideas and then as communication. Yet, in that silence of no-thingness there lies a space that transcends all that is. It envelopes you and expands you all at once. The current that starts the action eventually transforms into a roaring swell of silence. This has been my experience, of course. I’m sure that each and every being will come to their own conclusion. And that is what makes Consciousness so outstanding.


      1. oh so true
        there are no words for that silence, I too can just feel it throughout this body , it makes the hair stand up on my skin

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      2. Stefan, this is a beautiful reflection, an inspirational memory you’ve shared.

        I, too, have felt that fleeting presence in my life—on more than one occasion. Perhaps the fact that it can be repeated gives more proof (scientifically) to its validity. Yet when we feel it, I would say that is proof enough, validity enough for a phenomenon as profound as this.

        I’ve taken the liberty to excerpt my favorite (resonant) phrases from your post:

        “… a presence that took my breath away. It was peace, light, and bliss … It lasted no longer than a moment. But, … It is there all the time. If we’re lucky to walk into its space, well that is an awesome day.”

        In my deepest experiences of this presence, there has been an integral knowing of its eternal nature—never ending, never dividing, always “there”, bathing each of us in its vital juices.

        In fact, now that I think of it, ‘presence’ must actually mean “eternal”, “there all the time”. Presence, in the moment, never ends because Now is all there is.

        And finally, I want to reflect on your comment:

        “… I’ve been thinking about my part in this game. It wasn’t exceptional. It just was.”

        That is so much the nature of all of our life experiences. We might wish our part, our contribution, to be much more than it is. (By comparison, we might wish for the planet Earth—and its sun—to be a larger part of the galaxy or the universe, more “exceptional”, not such a tiny speck of light.) But it isn’t. It just IS.

        That is enough, when you think about it. We are here, now, in the universe, playing ourselves into the fabric of All That Is. Size doesn’t matter. It’s here and Now that matters. We are in the universe. We ARE the Oneness.

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