As I try to meditate this morning, thoughts are on the rampage, thrusting and exploding everywhere in my mind; they repeatedly capture my attention. I’m swallowed up for a time. Finally, I decide to just let them be. Don’t try to stop the thoughts. Awareness falls back into sporadic observation. I’m alert enough at least to be curious about what is capturing me. In that modicum of alertness, a subtle shift happens in what I’m able to register. Ah. This is food for a question to V.

“V,” I abruptly inquire. “Please tell me about how thoughts capture my mind and attention so quickly and thoroughly. I’ve just been ravaged by them, trying to sit quietly and meditate.”

“This is a natural human condition,” she answers just as promptly as I have asked.

“Sorry for this sudden inquiry. Good morning, V, dear friend and mentor,” I apologize.

“No apology necessary. It must be vexing to feel like a victim to mental processes. Tell me what you have observed.”

“Well, I’m glad you asked. But I haven’t actually thought about it yet.”

“Go ahead then, now. Think about thinking. Observe your observation. Be clear.”

I ponder. “I guess I’m trusting that, as I describe this to you, it will become clearer. The act of focusing awareness makes it clearer.”

“No doubt it does, as you stay present.”

“When I was watching the thoughts wrangle around across the screen of my mental ‘theater’, I began to realize they weren’t outside or above me; they were right inside me—up close and very personal. I’ve heard numerous meditation teachers say, ‘look at thoughts as clouds floating across the sky.’ Well, that’s a nice maxim, but it doesn’t describe what I was experiencing. Those thoughts were right inside my head, beating on my attention—from the inside. They did an excellent job of masquerading as me. It felt like they had taken over my whole awareness.”

“Still, you were able to detach somewhat and observe them. Correct?”

“Yes. Well, I could observe them, but I wouldn’t say I could ‘detach’ from them. As soon as I relaxed, the thoughts came streaming back and submerged me. I was them again at that point. It wasn’t like I could even catch them sneaking back. They would just suddenly be there, in me and around me, using me—and I was unaware of anything else. This is not like little puffy, white clouds drifting in the blue sky. They were more like tornadoes churning between my ears.”

“That’s a good analogy. I understand. There are indeed thoughts that are like puffy little clouds, but there are also many of the like you describe. Even if they are ‘constructive’ thoughts—helping you plan events or solve problems—your mental apparatus works to impress them upon your awareness strenuously and completely; it wants your full attention. Your sentience is picked up like bits of straw in a storm. Am I right? You feel as though you are inside your thoughts more than they are inside you.”

“Exactly. You must have been human once!”

V smiles. “Yes, more than once. I can remember thoughts behaving this way. Let me help you out a little.”

“Please do.” (more…)

“Thank you for taking the time to explain that—once again,” I acknowledge, still vibrating from my glimpse of the cosmic web. “We have been talking about presence. I sensed that size doesn’t matter to it; that surprised me, really. The same presence seemed to pervade the entire Cosmos when it was spread before me, with exactly the same intensity as on my own human scale.”

V answers, “You are correct. Presence is itself in all times and spaces, in all dimensions—great or small. Subatomic waves or inter-galactic filaments don’t matter—presence gives it all the same precious attention. It never varies or departs. Presence cannot leave, cannot separate. It is the very being of being itself.”

I continue to wonder, “Are we still on track in this conversation, V, with your project?”

“Indeed we are. Let me say it yet another way. The intention of this book is to aid you to identify with your true identity: The one that lies beneath form, beneath even Life itself—the utter bottom. Source! It is the Ancient of Days, the ‘one about whom naught may be said’. To ‘say’ anything about Source is to place it inside a form. Source is formless; it cannot be contained in a form, such as a definition or a concept or a feeling. It does, of course, generate all form, but its true reality is far beyond form. The ‘identity’ intention in these messages is to connect you and transmute you, not to form you, not to give you another form to identify with.”

I feel I need to challenge something she just said. “If nothing can be said about Source, what is it that you are saying here? Aren’t you talking about it now?” (more…)