The Little Self
Constantly at my door, like a salesmen he rings.
Waiting there through all weather, always ready to hand me something.
Convinced he is my best friend telling me how great I am.
Turning me against others in order to lift me up he cries his plea to let him in.
You cannot hide from this salesman as he knows you’re always home.
Even in sleep he sends me brochures of my potential.
He has tactics to keep me in his grips and never let me leave.
Stuck in this house trapped by his overpowering pitch,
I start to rummage through the attic finding old belongings he once sold me.
As I go through them one by one, I notice the dust.
I notice, through knowledge gained from time and experience, that the words he used to sell me these items were false.
Now all the items look the same, a reflection of his clever sales pitch, all false.
All tattered and torn taking up space in this once beautiful and uncluttered attic,
I begin to clean and let him witness from the lawn as I boldly toss all his past sales onto the lawn.
I need no refund, for the knowledge is payment enough.
He calls from the lawn trying still to defend their worth,
But I continue the cleaning and laugh at his cries.
Oh so desperate and why?
What does he have to prove?
Who is his employer but me?
After ridding myself of all the old stuff I come down from the attic,
And for the first time in years I go to the door.
I greet him with open loving arms and invite him in.
He seems cautious and confused at first,
But as I repeat my comforting words he lets go, willing to enter the house with me.
Then we chat, but about love not “things”.
He remembers love, it was about 30 years ago he recalls true love, and in recalling it he can’t quite figure out where or why it left.
He then begins to reflect on images from the past, and tells me about the warehouse where he collects these items he’s sold me over the years.
He also tells me that he is not sure why he does this job and even though he sells to me, he has always thought me to be his boss.
So today as I invited him in with loving arms to listen, he begins to let go.
Both realizing a long road ahead to full recovery, we agree to no longer be adversaries.
When he comes with something to sell, although I will not buy it, I respect that it is his duty.
Then I will invite him in and we can look at the item together and just talk about it.
He told me its not selling the items to me that he really wants anyway.
He just wants me, as his boss, to look at what he has and be the one to relinquish him of the responsibility of storing the items.
This gives him deep comfort and love, merely being understood and given a purpose.
The salesman and I have made this pact and from this day onward we will both work hard at our jobs.
Him showing me products, and me just taking them off his hands, and setting them into the river just to witness them in their passing moment.
This might just be the best deal we’ve ever made.
Copyright ⓒ 2013 Jamie Bright